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Bewitching Blond and Love and Romance Let me begin with a polite warning! This is just the musings of a naive bewildered soul whose soul aim was to speak English fluently. You see, I have this peculiar problem. But ask me to speak a few lines in English and I promptly transform myself into a medical mystery!

These are exactly the symptoms I display whenever I have tried speaking in this language! I decided to do something about it and learn simple spoken English. And it was here that my sanity threatened to desert me! Along with my desire to speak in English! No sense in commuting about a hundred kilometres one way just to speak English, was there? I pruned the alarmingly long list to manageable proportions.

Nothing like trying out the ones in your immediate friendly neighbourhood, eh? There was one such poster quite clearly visible from my drawing room window. It showed a lovely young damsel with a broad smile. A smile brought on perhaps by the fluency in English she had gained after a fruitful course at this academy.

I gingerly dialled the number and waited with bated breath. In whatever halting English I could muster, I too greeted him. The English I heard could only have been spoken by one person I could think of! It was pure Texan gibberish to my uninitiated ears! But to get inadvertently connected to George W Bush?! I was tempted to scream at him for the misery he has caused in Iraq in his futile quest of the elusive Weapons of Mass Destruction!

The gasp at the other end was clearly audible to me! But the accent stayed in place. He also, not-so-gently this time, asked me to have a good look at the posters displayed all over the neighbourhood. For a month after that, I kept getting regular calls from Bush asking if I was still interested in speaking English like an American.

I detected a faint note of desperation in the Texan drawl and this aroused the dormant James Bond in me. Never mind if Mr Bond was as British as a London taxi! Discreet enquiries revealed that Mr Bush had been largely unsuccessful in luring unsuspecting souls to speak like the way he does! The classrooms were devoid of any students. I would have suggested using the rooms to conduct embroidery classes for the good ladies of my neighbourhood but the thought that only American embroidery would be taught discouraged me from calling Mr Bush ever again.

Meanwhile, cruel and uncaring Mother Nature has taken a toll on that poor blonde! No longer beguiling, she looks like something your cat brought in Vetalker Mani Menon.


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